It's been 10 months since he left us. This year is going to be the first year that I celebrate 'Raya' without him. And I know it is not going to be the same again..ever..
I still recall him not wanting to change into his 'baju melayu' and celebrate 'Raya' last year. Mom n I had to force him to change and practically had to drag him to 'salam Raya' n take photos on that morning. It was almost like he knew that he was leaving us. He said that he didn't want to celebrate 'Raya' and said that it was his last 'Raya'. Who would have thought that it was indeed his final 'Raya'..
Now he is with Him. He is in a better place. But he will always be here..he will always be a part of us..in our hearts..
A month before he was gone, he was already showing us signs. But we refused to see or believe them. We were too positive that he would be cured. He gave us a song for us to listen to. A song of someone leaving his loved ones. And again, we refused to listen to it. We even asked him to stop. We told him to be strong. He said, "I will fight but it is a losing battle. All odds are against me now..". And of course, we didn't take it seriously..
We're sorry, dad. So sorry that we didn't listen to you. So sorry that we didn't even give you the chance. So sorry that we were not even there with you when you left. There's nothing more devastating than to know that we were just a few steps away from you and not by your side when you left..
Life too hasn't been a crystal stair since you're gone. There are too many obstacles n difficulties that we are dealing with. But if it is given by Allah SWT for us to pray n remember Him more, for us to appreciate you even more, we are at peace on the judgement from You, Ya Allah..
I wish I had the chance to tell you that I love you..to utter those words when you looked at me for the last time before being moved to the ICU. Before we were left outside anxiously waiting. But it is too late now..still, I'm thankful to Allah SWT, for at least giving me the chance to put on your socks before you go to bed every night and to give you your medicine everyday and most of all, to give me the last most precious two weeks with you. I know I should've done more..I wish I could..
I miss you, dad. I promise that I'll take care of mom. She's the strongest person I know. I guess she must have been truly sad that you're not around this Ramadhan n Syawal but she still puts up a positive front in front of us. I love you both. Always will..